Not Ready to Make Nice

I'm not ready to make nice. Not sure I ever will be. They say to express your thoughts, don't let them bottle up inside, shit even I have told myself this in the past and in today's rain. I stare at my journal and contemplate entering the words, I look at my phone and see a caller and let it go to vm. Don't shut the world out. I just know I'm not ready to make nice. Its too fresh, too new, burning, with hurt and pain and doubt and frustration. Maybe it's more of a never think moment i want to occur. Never think. Refrain from questioning why, how, when, what and wait for unanswered questions. I do want to HATE. I don't want to remember, simply erase everything of value, my value, his trash.