Times......

So the thanksgiv' wkd has come and is gone....tomorrow is about to be Dec 1st....it's scary how fast time can go by regardless if one is having a blast, simply working the day away...or GAZING into the SKY, the STARS and letting the days go without realizing the time quickness...I do a lil bit of everything these days...and it has me thinking bout time


dayum, i was just packing to go home, went home the 4 nights away from NJ flew by and here I am 4 days back and its gone by with superspeed as I have been sick as HELL.....already looking fw to my trip home in about three weeks for the xmas! and I'm also going to ATLANTA for the new yrs! awww yea shawty...am looking for to this wkd more than ever! and nooooooo....im not going to see u kno who.....im threw my phase with u kno who....i have this fascination with ATL since my first trip out there a yr and half ago....i cant wait to go out there and chilll!


Home was good, no complaints cept for me and devins short amount of QT together....we went to the game and he said he had more fun with my niece and nelphews than his best fren....lol...i was in my own lil world and sick, but i think we both lost out on some togetherness...I am gonna have to try and make up for that, although my presence will not be seen in Mpls over the xmas break........


Got my football in on the Turkey day with my newphew...while jayda drew my name ever so perfectly she said to me......took the two lil ones jayda nd vic with me to soo falls for a coffee run as I knew starbucks was going to be open on the day of giving thanks...or lack there of in our society i think...lol....oh well i got my latte and was good to go..

jayda had so much fun and learned lots at the science museum in St. Paul, girl was at the body for a good 45 minutes taking it apart and putting the pieces back in with the help of a employee...my future doctor!!

trent actually took devin out on the lil challenge at the timberwolves game.....


a pic of downtown minneapolis drivng on 94W right passed the lyndale tunnel on our way to brooklyn center....aww the missed view i used to have...


ooooh im going to check out a native film festival this wkd in the city...battery park! am very excited.....going with the roomy, my girl Charolette...whom i must admit was a myspace connect....it's hard to meet people, i dont get into the city as much as I would like..and people seem to only get real friendly in the bar/club environment...so i gave in and searched native peoples....we both laughed at how we met on the myspace..but had to call it good when she said she dated a meskwaki man...lol..but here's our first gathering together out in the city a few weeks back, hit up a spoken word event and then went dancing.....she is cool as L and is Mohawk from the 6 nations in upstate NY...hoping to see a few cute native boys this wkd at the film fest...

it was nice to meet with a fellow indian whose love for the city live is alive and vibrant...but still has her native connect to her home and her family.....

i find myself in the zone at work sometimes when our kids at specials....i think about wanting to go home and bust out my beadwork....then when i get home im tired or its too late..what im going to read next..that im going to keep on truckin on that treadmill after work....i think about finding my happiness yet....im not unhappy dont get myself wrong - but i wonder what makes on truly happy in their life - i think happiness is yeswhat we make of it; but if one is to truly be happy with every aspect of themselves..is that selfishness and maybe unfair to your loved ones or what others feel is not fair to them? hmmmm...not even sure that may make sense to some......jus some ending thoughts i have...i guess....

school knocks....

Im going home in three days! HOLLLLAH!

went to this hop hop poetry place last nite called Club Love in the city - talk about feeling the loves jones setting (oh well minus a guy or two next to mee) but it was real nice...got there kind of late so we only got to hear two performers, but its nice hearing people talk about shit, real shit beyond the self but why, why is there always someone in the crowd who has to scream "yea, yea, yea, mmm...hmmm, amen", loud as hell during the whole show along with the endless claps they make so really were you able to hear what the performers were wording? or really when your at a game - there is always that one fan that wants everyone in their section to hear his frustrations and moments of glory by screaming, swearing, hooting and hollaring! SHUT the fuck up and watch the game, shut the hell up and listen to the performers words.

I havent thought about my thesis for awhile now and thats not a good sign...I feel like the more and more I keep my thesis on my shelf, it will not only collect dust but my thoughts i've put into it will drift away and how much dedication I had to that 35 page paper. My topic is one topic that hasnt really been examined in research and thats what I love about it...its hopefully something new that will be presented...Im not looking for a cure for the people in my findings or for the answer but rather simple suggestions on to better the future generations and make a shift in the change of a certain group of people. I know that I have guidance, direction and advisors to help me along the way but these are really my own thoughts and work that I dont have anyone suggesting me to do this or go that route. Im used to having alot of direction in aspects of my work, wait life; Im hoping this will help me, as its currently sitting on my shelf waiting for me to edit it more.

Kirstie Alley, Jered from Subway and Anna Nicole Smith are lame! and their weight loss was made simple for them, well Alley and Smith first - and currently Jered. Now we as regular folk can maybe, most likely, possibly afford to buy TrimSpa (although Im cool on taking a pill), Jenny Craig and of course subway. Now the difference between them and me is...of course I'd lose the 15 pounds I've been trying to lose these yrs if you paid me, gave me a contract and knew my ass would be on camera numerous times. Of course I'd lose mad weight if I didnt have the 9-5 job, had a chef make and shop for all my meals and could afford a trainer at $100 a session (which $100 is probably cheap) Why they get so much credit - as for Jered yea he lost the weight on his own but now he probably has a nice lil montly check from subway and who the hell wants to eat subway 7 days a week without cheese, mayo on the sub! get the hell outta here! give me my cheese, my hellman's mayonaise!! if i had someone sitting right next to me telling me to put down that cookie...id be hella skinnay too...no thanks! like my happiness and relationship with food...no daily pill burning the fat, the treadmill and I work out alot these days, jenny craig's food is BLAND - whats the point of eating if one can't anjoy their food and subway tastes good yea but everyday knowing no chips with my 6 inch wheat sub of meat and loaded veggies........i'll pass

the views capture

Im trying to finish this book I started a few weeks ago - Im annoyed with the basic same - single girl with her so called depressing life only becuase its a life without a man in her life plot - but I have to finish it because thats how I roll...the book is something borrowed...i think i'll let someone borrow it indefinately when I finish it. I wanted soo badly to venture to Borders today to purchase some books but um' I have three I need to read on top of sad girl's hope to find her happiness with a man.

Reaching out.....been thinking about it lately. and it has to do with my niceness, if I stopped reaching out to people first, will we lose contact? Granted we all get busy in our life's and what it brings to us and Im one to talk too because I go through my few phases of not wanting to be a social bug and send many to the voicemail but sometimes I think about the people I always contact first.....although I did get one text saying havent' heard from ya lately..whats up...the one person I proly dont need to hear from I hear from...I only moved away its not like i said no more contact but maybe people think Im busy and therefor dont call me either.....hmmmm

Thunderheart has been on tv alot lately..and of course I watched it both times...I thought I had Skins with me but it must be at my sisters...my favorite quote from Thunderheart...the old man talking to graham greene and val kilmer who are arguing it up..."Knock it off, knock it off, you two remind me a couple ol' woman." val kilmer's all stunned by gramps vocal words...then his trading of ways with things..

I love the views at different times of the days from Jersey City looking into NYC.

There are maybe 4 spots here in JC I could just sit and watch with the different colors the sky brings and the sunset and the lights coming on lil by little in the buildings

The one I havent been able to take a pic of my drive home from werk. I am lucky I dont have to get on the freeways or anything just the residential streets into downtown for my work commute, on the way home I pass a block long park and in the background the city resides - the tree's and the abundance of grass yet the city feel - a balance - then someone honks their damn horn and i forget im in the envoy and my few seconds of bliss and calmness are interrupted and off I go with my foot on the pedal passing the crazy mini busses every other block.

Movie OC - so in the past two weeks -I've gone to see Catch a Fire - loved it, love true stories that have decent endings especially when deaing with a change in society has occured and when they show the actual individual its based upon and Derek Luke - enjoyed his physical features since - Antwone Fischer. Babel - still unsure how I really feel bout it, it was intense thats for sure, mixed feelings about it. Borat - funniest shit I've seen in years - its fucked up how some "americans" mindset is and their ingnorant thoughts they share with anyone and to think these people might be my neighbors. Its amazing how some people feel that they are superior to everyone around them...and it seems to never end with generations..

typing under one's skin

So my goal is too keep up to date with my so called called thoughts....night two thus far ur girl buff is on a roll...

So speaking of blogging..I finally blogged something that got under someone's skin...well from his thougts...

I really feel like he wanted to say that "the only reason I am not a sad statistic to the study is because I got off the rez and I'm not looking back but Im raising my child to be the indian I am"....I just dont understand how you turn your back from something you've experienced and have become for so much of your life, guess my thought and upbrining have taught me to appreciate and acknowledge who I am today as a young american indian woman....

Maybe my spongebob friend has a vendetta agaisnt the pine ridgers who drink, are one legged, live off of $136 a month while raising, can we call it raising 6 kids..hmmm...and die at 58

oh well..gotta move on and keep on blogging right?

Well its two weeks and counting til I get to go HOME! HOME, am excited as ever to go home.....do lunch, drive 4hrs with my aunty and then run into the arms of my lil man vic! eat my green bean casserole til I am sick to the stomach...haha...sleep on my sisters large couch to fit me and my babies til the am rolls around and vic preys open my eyes saying tee tee wake up wake up...

OH right blog about life in the NJ I said...it rained all damn day....it still is..I woke up at 2:15 to the rain, drove to work in the rain, walked to works flooded garage...had to keep my endless energized kids inside all day! but I did in fact come home to a semi clean abode..woo woo

I havent and dont care to pick up the east coast slang.....no "son" after every sentance..i ask for a pop not a soda....i have only once caught myself saying u's...ONCE...

Night folks......

moving away for the myspace

I've decided to write-blog more Smoke Signals other than on the myspace....my myspace people - frens list is getting a lil to grand and not sure I want everyone within my myspace to read my random thoughts.....

I've realized my blog comments were mainly on the topics of relationships/love/sex, indian issues, not soo much personal but then again do i really want all my thoughts out in the open for all to read and comment back on. Some thoughts are simply there to be read, not always looking for feedback...kind of like when one has a issue come up and I simply want to vent - I dont want one to tell me how to solve my rant and rages but simply to listen - or read....

I love the myspace - as I've said before its a love hate relationship - you are slowly pulled in by the friends u build - the thoughts one's post, feening me to post more and more thoughts - although I tend to hit my dry spells and hesitate to blog about my personal life or daily rants and raves, then I easily hate it for the comments one can view, the addiction I have to change my profile lots O' times...pull away meliss, pull away...dont log in and appear online

Here I will simply post my daily thoughts about New Jersey, my so called smoke-signal'less life (few physical relations to natives) sports (KINGS, CELTICS, NETS FAN), love or wait the lack there of of loving I be getting - is it sad when I get more hugging and loving from my 3 & 4 year olds at work....and that the texts, phone calls I send and receive just dont suffice to what a real hug, kiss which can lead to more from.....????.....yea that's his name....????? the daily odd convo's i have and have to share with miss michele (yes one L) about work and what so and so said to me - how much I may or may not miss HOME - the fam, my nieces and nephews - whom cease to stop rising in numbers

well im sitting here on 5 1/2 hours of sleep which for me is not good - people who can make it thru that much sleep on a daily need to get the hell outta here - I function well and above the way with a minimum of 7 hrs....I need my energy and bascic will to work with the kids from 8-4:30....