i do and I remember

Sooooooo...i may not be the latest and greatest at speaking my frustrations to others but everyone has their breaking point..right?? I reached mines today..i understand I am somewhat new to my line of work..but i truly am one who believes..i do and i remember by Confucius...i am a big believer of that! let me do that and i will remember it..dont tell me, dont let me see it, let me do it and i will do it again and again until I get this shit right..

i am such a hand-ons person..

HANDS-ON

i have learned sooo much about myself in the past few years..i appreciate who i am, what i have become and continue to work at being a better me for me and the environment I choose to be part of...

i dont expect others to like me, but this is who I AM...i am quiet by nature..i speak my mind with caution and with care...i cant wake up tomorrow and be this agressive outspoken bitch as others are..its not how i was raised..but i will stand for what i deserve and expect others to respect me as i will respect them but respect is earned and achieved with heart and effort!!

Simple days electrified

My weekend was unelaborate, free from visible frills yet full of moments filled with BLISS. I relaxed this weekend, caught up on movies, hugs and kisses and enjoyed every bite of cheesecake. I felt refreshed as my eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the bright sun shining through the window blinds Monday morning. I am not on cloud nine, nor am i jumping for joy, my heart purely and wholeheartedly is smiling and is in good spirits. Simple days were electrified by plain words, honest touches and pleasant satisfying kisses.

My bumps

B.F Skinner believed everything we do and are is shaped by our experience of punishment and reward.

I read my last blogspot blog entry and feel the need, desire and drive to re-visit those thoughts yet again. I am perplexed with my life right now. I wake up every morning evaluating my life. Is my life this or that, do I need this or want that. I feel that I haven't completely stood back up from being knocked down a few months ago. My energy doesn't last for long. I succeed with the basic needs to get by right now. This week I've somewhat I've come face to face with my life or at least words have been heavily expressed about it. Again this moving out my apartment, not having my own bed to lay down to, going through a few jobs and landing at my current place of employment. (Btw..that I enjoy for the most and find challenging, just enough to keep me interested and wanting to grasp my line of work) was not something I asked god to bring upon me or hoped to come true. I don't want people to judge me, look at me differently. I simply need support from those I choose to be around and want to be around which is few and far between these days. Support of holding my hand, i dont need, dont want handouts from anyone. I don't need anyone to solve my problems or pull me back up and get me off the bump without my energy and effort. I want to stand up and be happy fully and entirely but as life goes I don't expect it to happen magicly overnight. I've had a few tears stream down my eyes this week about my life's course and the bump i've hit, sure I've had other bumps in my road before..that maybe weren't as evident or visible to others..it wasn't a bump publicized for all to hear or see..this current bump is evident if you are with me often. I got myself here and am facing it with my eyes wide open and for me to fully grasp and understand as this experience is with me daily, I dont want to punish myself and get down on myself.

I choose running and working out as my red bull. I don't let myself get too down and out where once a bud light would do me well and cure the pain for a moments time. I choose to face my life. I am slowly but surely getting over that bump in the road and finding the happy me and working on bettering what is around me on daily basis.

I hope to not find myself on this bump again as I am sure there will be many more bumps in my road that make me stronger in the end. This experience will forever be engraved in my heart as those months that brought me down and I hope in the end to reward myself with jumping off this bump, running down the good road of life screaming, ok we all know im not that outgoing to scream with joy. *lol* I want to SMILE and feel good inside :)