Ventures

Im sitting here staring at this black page, attempting to write what has been good with my life, but yet Im stuck, there are somewhat alot of little things I would like to share, but where does one begin to express my thoughts to my friends and family back home. To let them, to let you know Im still me, I haven't changed.

I read my last few blogs, and I noticed I wasn't really happy in them, except for the blogs with my pics of the trip home and to Atlanta. hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Well anyways let me tell you how things are with me, myself and I...

Who for the first time last sunday, Jan 21, ventured into the city by herself. Yea ya'all, I took the Path train into the city....

OK fyi.....i stopped and saved this draft last nite as I was thoughtless as to entertain my readers....the many of you..lol

I'm reading this book right now that I really think its one of those books that changes your life.....well at least how you think and look at the world now...the book came into my mind and thinking last weekend while out to dinner at my favorite obsession with brazilian food...

I wanted to introduce two of my co-workers, my puertorican gal and my homegirl from brazil about brazilian hamburgers, our convo's varied until we talked about books we felt other would enjoy and learn about something, one. I told them about Rabbi Proof Fence and The Lovely Bones which are two of my favorite books.

Left to Tell....a book in which Im not even done but feel the need to share with you! In the early 1990's in Rwanda, genocide occured too quick amongst a group of Rwandan's called Tsutsi's. There were two ethnic groups in Rwanda the Hutu's and the Tsutsi's and in 1993 a mass killing begun killing over a million Tsutsi's. The true story follows one girls path as she hides in a bathroom with 7 other women for 91 days while Hutu extremist attempt to murder every Tsutsi in Rwanda. Her faith in God to forgive and to continue to love all in her world is breathtaking. Her faith in God to see her through everyday, every close call by being found and her endless prayers makes you respect her and her faith ever more. Her will and power to live on without her family, to continue the strength and let it build with her spiritually is amazing.

I appreciate those whose faith can lead and direct them down a balanced road but to forgive those who turned against one because of their faith in God to me is the biggest triumph in life. I suggest this book! Her account is very detailed as she brings to life her 91 days, losing her family and loving what is no longer with her physically.

Volleyball....

We all know that volleyball makes me smile like no other. I take every chance given to me to get on that court. I finally googled Volleyball Jersey City NJ, and got SpikeleagueNJ, after not getting on the court since the Indigenous games back in July. Your girl is now on two teams, already played in a reverse coed tourney and friday's open gym with some pretty competitive people! I was in volleyball heaven last week and the weeks will continue to bring me to heaven. After open gym on Friday I was invited for a beer with some fellow volleyball goer's. It was nice, there was the opening let me get to know you convo's, a midwest gal whose olives in her bee shocked my new jersey friends and my last name being soooo cool! I finally am becoming content with stepping outside my box and doing things on my own. Its not easy but I am trying to do more things without my roomy and meet people outside my job as work is another damn story to blog.

I love the kids and that is what keeps me going everyday, to see some of my kids who make me laugh, give me my lil wink with both their eyes at the same time, making it a wink...not sooo much..lol. I just sometimes wonder why some adults function as they do and for the most it wouldnt bother me, but your functioning interferes with my life...it takes alot for me to not like or be friendly with some people, you all know that. I just think that when I find a person who Im not compatible with I get rather annoyed and want to keep my distance from you! point blank...

The warm not MN/SD cold weather is back, it was 9 on friday but felt like -12 and today it was 45 out as we ventured into times sq for a movie and dinner with another fellow minneapolis homie!

Have a great week my friends (^_^)

a coflict unresolved

It's easy to think we can mold, impact and change a child's mindset, their train of thought may be easily shifted to another track, so to speak. Some can say or believe that children are like blank slates, and we as adults have the chalk to fill their slate up with continued learning. Nature versus nature. Children are born that way and not one person can change their so called genetic attitude.

A mindset to conflict resolution or lack there of......

I work with chidlren,

for example, two or more children whose arguments, whose disagreements between one another requires immediate adult attention. As a teacher, we simply assist children in conflict resolutions. Childrens working on their social skills that will help them as they continue to grow and interact with other's on a daily basis.

It's normal for children to approach a teacher and say; No! To sometimes scream at the top of their raspy voices, who appear to have been hit with the worse scenario as they whine, "Miss Melissa, Michael hit me, or Michael won't let me sit by him, or Miss Melissa, Sarah is being mean to me." I respond with the following, did you tell so and so that you don't like what they said or did?" or "What can you tell so and so?" or "Can you ask so and so why won't let you play, sit or talk with them? and last, "Did you tell so and so how that made you feel?"

Children come to teacher's to solve their conflicts, their problems they feel need immediate attention! As adult, we do not FORCE apologies, children are sometimes not aware that saying sorry has meaning to it. Children are given the opportunity to freely, I say freely as it is the child's choice of wording that is being expressed, to freely express their thoughts to another child in turn helping them to recognize other childrens feelings and that their thoughts are not everyone else's.

Now granted all children are not given that lesson in life on how to resolve conflict, we cannot generalize and must assume that children all vary in their development. Children may never be exposed to handle situations and solve their conflicts which can lead to struggles later in life if they never attempt to resolve their conflicts. What does this lead to.......adults whose anger has never been addressed and they go on to lead lives that allow them to yell and shout and walk away from conflicts unresolved.

I don't know that I really was taught as a child to solve problems that arised with other children....at least im sitting here attempting to think back....I also in my later years because I'm soo old and aged in my 28 years of life, (^_^) used to avoid conflict at all causes. I'm working on that and know that it takes time to change my set ways of living and thinking. I look at it as still being young and realizing I need to deal with issues when they arise and attempt to confront others when it bothers me. lets call it my, Growing process that is in effect......

Now I continue to work with children and help them to deal with their conflicts too, the great thing about children and their everyday conflicts between other children, they simply let go and move on and forget that 5 minutes ago they wanted to cry and were upset.

Now my issue is with people who openly admit that they dont know how to deal with tense situations and show their angry side and walk away. AS AN ADULT....so does this excuse the person when this happens time and time again? How does one constitute that as being ok and them simply saying "I'm trying to work on my anger." Especially when I've seen it happen more than often......

If an adult is well into their older years and seeming to be set their way, do I bother to worry that they will change.

Vuriousity at its prime as I wonder and wait for this adult to have another outburst and for a hour or so to go by for them to say, "I dont know how to handle situations like that and I get upset and walk away. I'm attempting to deal with it......."

in other words, Attempting but not this time or next time by the way......

gee thanks........

empty, not even half full

So we are going not soo strong into the new year. Am currently at week three...well we all are so to speak...now if i were to base this upon my so called Jan 4th resolutions...i'd be good to go. First; of course I've had my beers and cheers, only on the wkd; which has brought me to a new conclusion regarding the beverage intake (I shall expand upon in a few) 2nd, I have been crazy up on the working out but I still have a rather lovely relationship with my food. 3rd dont worry I havent fallen in mad crazy love with a soul yet.

With my resolutions at the most to be considered in progress....I still am not me. I've lately been on the not so uppidty mood with my usualy big smiling self....my pearly whites have not gotten to see too much of the sun and the moon these days...poor teeth...and it would be more than ok with me if I could blame that shit on some PMS....but in all reality I cant blame it on that.....its lasted for sometime now...

I tend to go to bed angry, I wake up angry, how does one wake up angry. I mean usually one dreams something worth smiling about and me I keep my dreams in my morning thoughts for the most but havent been. I dont even know that its being lonely so much, because if I were, I doubt i would keep my cell on silent or simply let the ringer go to voicemail. I come home angry, ok its not an everyday event but it happens more often than not these past few weeks......

Oh yea the drinking bit...I knew I forgot something....went out for drinks sunday night and realized that others have noticed my high tolerance to drink...when a friend of mine had about half of what I drank and was drunk, I mean drunk, she attempted to keep up. I woke up with no headache, no drunkn texts or calls had been made....If the only thing I have to show these days for my wkd adventures that include alcoholic intake....hmmm

Anywho, with that upon my mind and soul these days...I haven't been up to much beyond, work, our crazy pipe bursting leaving our classroom completely empty, no tile, no carpet, our classroom materials dispersed randomly throughout the school.....I have been searching Craigslist for a part time job....but you need experience in everything...how the hell does one gain experience if no one will hire you to at least give it a shot.....

I could say or blame it on the area...me being a midwest gal lost amongst the east coast...but I ask myself these days wherever I move would i feel the same...an empty me........

snow, flurries, nothing...

Ok, we finally got a lil bit of cold air among us here in NJ......My lil legs were FAAAA-reeezing! i think it more or less was that wind that catches you, waters the eyes and leaves the face feeling dry as L. Yep that was my cold body, along with about 20 little 2 and 4 year olds feeling the same the wind wanting to blow them to the east. Also around ten am, I look up, well children screaming made me look up, there was about 5 minutes of snow flurries, these kids went crazy! They had their hearts set on going outside and making snowmen. Not so much, the clouds cleared and the sun shined upon the windows and the snow I really think didnt have a chance making it to the ground. As much as I hate driving in the freezing rain, snow anything with wetness coming from the clouds in 35 degrees or colder, scares the holy hi-ness out of me, I miss snow.

Maybe seeing it from the window as a child, or walking home from Annie Tallent elementary, back when it was safe to let children walk home from school, but the thick snowflakes falling upon your gloves and tongue, where your not really soo cold all bundled up. A warm feeling knowing my dad is at home waiting for us with freshly baked, still warm off the cookie sheet chocolate chip cookies and the hot chocolate that was made on the stove. Sledding, I dont even see enough space here on the east coast for a hill to go sledding on, to build a snowman in the yard, yards are far and few between around here.......

Now on the flipside, I'm sure when the snow falls, if it does in fact snow over here on the Jersey streets, I will be swearing every word under my breathe bout hating the snow. *lol* one day I will get over my fear, that anxiety I have formed of driving on wet, snow covered, icy roads.

I have a co-worker who's mother is suffering from stomach cancer and today was told they attempted to perform surgery on her mother only to find cancer everywhere and were unable to perform the surgery! I got sick to my stomach. I stopped and prayed as we hung up the phone for her mother, her strength as a daughter and to think, she's merely 30 and soon to lose her 80 pound mother, who raised this friend of mine to be sweet, caring, respectful.

I couldnt help but think, I am sooooo greatful for my mother, I have this connection with my mother, a 3 year old mind set of this is MY MOTHER, not yours, she is my possession and lord only knows how much I would myself die up inside if i were to lose my mom anytime soon. My fear, my anxiety, another one.....I have about 3 things that lead me to suffer from anxiety...but the fear of knowing one day my mother will no longer be with me phsyically is number one! I know one shouldnt think like that, but in my mind i've played it over more than once, how will i hear it, who will be with me, where will I be the day my mother joins her mom and dad, her brother and only be with me in spirit. They are different every time, I try to imagine the worst, so when the day comes it might not actually be that hard, painful, or heartbeaking on me.

Again my friend, always your in my prayers, your mother, a prayer for the cure of cancer to be found sooon and your family! (I hate cancer, more than one can imagine...thats another day...another blog)

new what...no not today

New year...new cheers...new beers...new size in clothes...new things to learn.....new....new.......new...um shoes...purses...yea the last two will be accomplished no doubt...

this whole setting new goals/resolution shit one day a year and attempting to stick to that shit for the next 365 days....well um...like i said in a notha' blog...i set a few....and dont know that i will really be all that hard on myself..spose i should...

what i want for me, i think is different from what others want of and in me...

BUUUUUT here be my small resolutions i set; please smile and laugh with me as you read

1. more wine..

2. more beers with the homies..

3. to snag lyfe jennings! prayers are welcome! *LOL*

4. attempt..now i said attempt to truly and really like someone...but if not..cuz sometimes i dont see that as a possibility due to lack of real men around me..*LOL* some good sexin would be ok with me....errr.....I think...

5. attempt to eat better....no more indian taco's, frybread, pop, well ok i am hoping to cut back..differ up my exercise routine...i run but dont think i did much for my chubbums this past three months..

6. KILL every frickin mouse that crosses MY PATH! these lil shits dont pay rent! I DO! believe me, im not too happy about our visitor(s)

HOME - the xmas break, the NEW YEAR in the ATL was the shit! i truly was happy every second of my trip! i got to hang out with my family lots, chill on the couch with my mama! chat it up with my dad, cook many good foods in the kitchen! I love kitchens and the talks, the happenings, the folks that a kitchen can bring together! the kitchen is really a good place to gather!!

the ATL! i loved it all but for 2 seconds when my boy rodnet told me he had overheard two girls at the club comment about damn, another white girl wanting our men! (me) geeesh, id be ok with that comment but dayum my ass is not even WHITE, one of the dudes i was with doesnt even like the females...lol....but i guess i was proly 1 of 5 non-black people in the club...but i spose are there really that many natives down south for one to recognize my true ethnicity...hmmm...again my light skinned complex...*LOL*

i was sad to not make it to Minneapolis....no devin, no gahgs (grandma really my aunt), no moose, tracys, TEA..no need to go on...i miss the minno! miss ya people! (^_^)

here's a few pics....

me and rod at MJQ in ATL

Bobbi Jo, Korrinna and Me..my sista's from anotha' motha!

rodney and christian at MJQ....

the two cutest nieces to hit the midwest!! they are bout 15 days apart in age! they got mad love for their aunty, their grandma rooooo-by! lol

Holly cutting up for the indian tacos! YUM!

jayda thinking she was queen of grandma's house....had her bathrobe, her wavey hair, girl was good to go she said

my older sis, vic and jayda

my dad...tryin to sneak in bites of my mom's stuffing! SAV

a lil too happy at 12:01am 1/1/2007!

well i am hoping that everyone has a wonder-ful year to come...many more to come!! im all bout all staying blessed!

being happy! (^_^)

and not giving a hoot about what u or your mom says about me *LOL*