Happyness

Home was the shit! finally a trip back to Rapid City...did me fine and dandy. A hangover, not many as you read but just one, gift cards in fancy silver wrapping, afternoon naps with my nephew Vic, a glance of that damn movie A Christmas Story on TBS throughout the day and all our favorite foods made from 3 buffalo sisters and their mom! I look foward to home again...and am happy to go back home.....


































My sister, the brother in law and I went and seen The Pursuit of Happyness...I must say it might just be the best movie I've seen this year!! I hope to squeeze in Dreamgirls but I dont know that that movie will budge into first place. I don't have kids...as we all know, lol, but the dedication, love, sacrifice, and strive one has for the future of one's child is beyond beautiful! I heard endless sniffles in the theatre that of mine own as well! I always try to hold my tears in as I tell myself meliss its just a movie, taped on a set, dont give it any emotion but I knew this was based on a true story..so the small few tears came down my cheek and into my napkin.

Will Smith played the part with grace and exquisiteness. I just think about what Christopher Gardner, the man the movie is based upon went through and how many of us would truly let ourselves experience such hardship along with a child at our side knowing your possibility of success of happyness at the end remains uncertain. Shit how many of us would do that alone? Mr Gardner opted for the difficult route and at the end of his internship he proved mostly to his son his undying love he had!! aaawww to love a man with such dedication! I'm in awwww...

Our, my happyness is dependent on me....I've gone through the past three months adjusting to life and questioning myself and where I am? I never answer with a definite yes or no. I'm always in the middle, my cup is always half full. I never say I truly like something, one. It's always well yea I think so or for the most..haha. I never know what I want to definately do or not do. As in the movie, the next part of my life, the next 6 months at my school, in my 2 bedroom roadhouse apt, is going to be termed enjoying it for what it is.

No new years resoultions of saying im going to go to the gym, I do that already and enjoy it. No giving up anything, I will enjoy every beer I consume, even when I consume one too many in a nite. People set these damn resolutions only to give up by Feb or so, especially at Valentines day...when chocolate appears endlessly by the hand to end up in the mouth! Enjoy the last few days of 2006 and stay blessed ya'all!

Airport Woes

My day in the airport was CRAZY...but I cant complain I made the decision, I wasnt in the Denver airport if I was I think I would of went crazy with all those peoples..and all those germs trapped in the airport..IIIIIIIIIISH...but I did give up my seat at ten am..only to be re-routed and not being able to arrive in Sioux Falls until almost 11pm...talk about a long day in the airport..but it will well be worth my free ticket voucher valued at $300! free trip, where to next.

Which brings me to my next topic...I was sitting at the bar as I finally allowed myself to have two large miller light taps at the airport before boarding my first of three flights...(^_^)....at one p.m.; now at the bar...two men were sitting next to me as I was reading the latest SLAM magazine....i didnt engage in their un-enlightening subjects and topics which really was about two complete strangers whose paths Im assuming will never pass again...who felt the need to show-off, brag, talk themselves up and...I was ready for one of them to leave..one answered his blackberry and talked about his trip to amsterdam and needing his secratery to do this and that, in such a loud I need to let everyone at the bar hear me on my blackberry..shut the fuck up and sit down, not one soul really cares about you at this airport..

now the other man...was in CT for a interview, he on the other hand has been interviewing all the US for potential jobs and was waiting for the right place of employment to find him as most jobs searched him out and were covering all his travel expenses and he was living it up in the hotel'y's and enjoying the new night live of all the citys he's been to. We were in hartford CT and I thought what can really be that exciting in CT of all places...again drink your beer and stop bragging up your proly' not exciting life at all..

Last plane ride 45 minutes until I reached my final destination of Sioux Falls, South Dakota...last row of the plane! LAST, god almighty...man, next to a lady and her dog...ok it was really wasn't all that bad but again my annoyance of people, humans talking to their pets as though they were really children...

I was lonely this day for social contact of people I knew and for those who knew me, I sent too many text's, attempted too many phone calls to "Im at work let me call you back meliss" as eventually the 612 died on me. But I realize my need to be in constant contact, call it a social need of my soul...

Im home and christmas is two days away...havent been home to the parents since JULY...man im horrible, for a girl who couldnt go a day without talking to her mom for nearly twenty-some years, who used to say Im going to live next to my parent's for the love of my mom and the connection we share...I miss her.

I tend to get home and not want to leave the house...a hermit in the comfort of old smells, worn in seat cushions, the creak of the doors with the jingle bells my mom proly has adorned it with every holiday season, the dry heat of the basement where my old bedroom with empty yellow walls and all that was me from 10-18 years old put in boxes, my high school days, my family times all locked into boxes in a corner. The fridge that refridgerates more beers than food these days, my parents desire, love and need for miller high life is there but yet its less than when were children. THANK YOU GOD for their small but still present cut backs in their consumption of alcoholic beverages. My sisters, my parents and the grandchildren, oh an the brother in laws whose voices will fill the house along with a dog named Sadie are soon upon my soul!

Indian Love

Soooo....me and my roomy KATIA are tooo insync these days..we realized this when we recently both had to sneek our last beverage out of the bar and laughed when we realized we both did this without knowing. This wkd was also one of those wkds......I feel the need to share since its our last night out on the town before the 2007 is upon us

well really it started back in 1999.....when she came to the u of minnesota and we met...due to the working with youth at Northeast Park but most importantly our fondness for the beers, cheers, dancing and men named Carlos....

HOBOKEN, New Jerz as we call it SLO-Boken...but its way cheaper to go out then venturing into the City - paying to get into a spot...paying Loot for a simple BUDDY L...our shots of Lemon Drops and the $40 cab ride home...we simply chose to pass on all that in the city and stay here in Jerz

So we first stopped in at the Corkscrew for a few..

Katia's oddness of pictures...side pose

The Corkscrew is somewhat of a rocky' crowd...the TV's were showcasing VH1 Rock.....one TV had captions and a song from the 80's came up and read as the band rocked away..................

"What I like I LICK, what I dont I KICK"

Me and Katia like Corona's....lol....we like this motto!

Onto SLO-boken...

Remember the first indian Katia introduced me too when I got out here this past August....Chief Black Bear

The Chief was still at the local watering hole on Washington Ave - waiting for me to admire his stoicism.....looking for my presence as he gazed into the crowd of people......aaaahhhh indians and their stoic ways and their nobility, what a noble savage was he....strong, brave...guarding the cases of Miller High Life and Corona's with his might...lol

Katia wanted a piece of this strong native man....we think he's Lakota...only the strong survive, LAKOTA (LOL) she felt his nipples....caressed them with her tongue as he remained strong and attentive to his duties of beer protecting!

I was Jealous....so we decided to go in together with him....

Katia said he was hard....but of course her puertorican ways ooooooooo'd and awwed him! My eyes gazed into his, my fingers wanted every bit of him...he most definately had wood

ADD the census

I got some new coloring pencils today at the smallest art store in the world! I've been doodling lots at work...while the lil munchkins are in circle time i mess around, decided to start drawing more often...I shoulda done this earlier i have a fantabulous idea for artwork gifts but um lil late..next year

This last week at work was ROUGH, i had two shitty days where I sat there in meetings, tapping my fingernails thinking shit my ADD may kick in..haha..that was wrong....but two of the days i thought; what the fuck am i doing with my life...what am I doing here in NJ without my family, one best fren...ONE..im used to many...a cell only does soo much contact....not that my life is all that horrible really its not, i have my health, my extra body fat to keep my body warm, a ride that continues to need some sort of tuneup or fix here and there..my spirits from the liqour store to keep me sane, naw just joking I meant my spiritualiy intact with me daily...haha...but those two days at werk had me questioning myself when I knew damn well I didnt have the right mind to answer em, still not sure...

I have cable but dont watch my ESPN as much as I thought I would...have yet to find a buddy to go to games with me...the nets and the knicks are waiting for meeee

was surfing the AOLcom and watched a three minute video with katie couric with data from the US Census...the US has the most people with fat issues...geeez put down the fries, unbiggie size that shit!! PEOPLE do you not realize you can have everything in MODERATION!!!! but i was watching the video and showing fat people walking, you know where they only show from the stomach or waist down....I'd hate to be on there and see myself..thinking HOLY FATCOW those are my chubby legs...im not saying im fat...we all know I got little chicken legs...but if they did show my chubbums waist....what would I be thinking...the US also bought the most shoes 7 per person....(smirking).....and that our neighbors stink!! over 3.9 million people said their neighbors stink...random...how did that come up in the census...i'd really like to know..but hmm do my neighbors stink....I cant tell..jersey city stinks in its damn self...

am keeping my prayers for Senator Tim Johnson for numerous reasons...his health, his family....... if he cant fulfill his duties as senator it will be given to Mike Rounds a republican and the majorty will go back to the damn Republicans! grrrrrrrrr

racism....

I'm sitting here in somewhat of a shock...kinda...some peoples' children that's all I can say.....

so the past few weeks have been filled with convo's regarding race..what people seem to know, think, and lastly assume all because of what the tv, the radio and shit life in general...have given and offered to us....

so as the new real world season denver has started...i was somewhat excited simply because I know denver somewhat and ventured to that city often and know the place......but they actually have two people of color on the show this season...two black men...a gay man, a white male and three girls. well it was well within the 2nd show that racial slurs were loudly and clearly expressed...after a night on the town, a house full of 20somethings who all have been picked to live in a house who LIKE to drink! what the hell does drinking lead to...a gay white man saying the N werd after some negative werds were exchanged at bar time in your the crib! werd em up...that werd has been such a trouble werd - never ending postitive outcome werd from the git go....it's a werd that man one could live without.........

but of course the N werd is here..whether its said between boys talking bout whats up, what it do.......a woman talking bout her broke ass man....the word like many words in the english dictionary has multiple meanings..negative, postive, verb and noun forms....many...

but once a white person says it negatively to a person of color, a black person...its just not something one does.....(not that im black and can truly relate but as a person of color I feel I can relate to it)

i just wasnt thinking that the gay white boy to say the N werd....yep im still shocked i guess u can say....

i sometimes have heard the n with the a ending exchanged between boys..native boys and look at them like really did u just say that....or white boys amongst each other...again really, why, why...dumbasses...

now on the same side of the word - we've all seen the kramer go crazy and spit the N werd not once but many a times in stage at the Laugh Comedy (you can see it on youtube.com) in LA...ya dumbass....why do people feel the need to blame werds-feelings that come out of their mouths on their own will at that moment to blame that shit on as kramer did drugs...riiiight! u kno damn well what u said and how u truly feel bout people of color or in this case some black people..i mean people always say tell us how you really feel...he did that nite in LA!!!

well now the damn laugh comedy has stated publicly that the word has been banned from the stage from the mic and if spoken or expressed, one will be charged $20.....thats it...a word that has caused endless arguments and is rooted deeply with negativity.....is worth $20 a pop.....hhmmmmmm

supposedly one of the wayans brothers has recently went on there and said i'll be damned if i let a white man be the last to freely express the N werd....and felt the need to say it 10 times of soo.....

really what did that prove....to kramer? the audience? me as a reader or someone who heard round the way what mr wayans did? nothing...im still going remember kramer truly speaking his mind about a person - people of color....and how he really must feel....shit people always say im not racist..i love this race...whatever the fuck ever....

ignorance and what people with no life experience think and feel....

would i be wrong to say some white people....SOME! i dont generalize....